An Actor of Instagram

In the year of 2020, I deleted many of my social media apps. Although I am no longer posting content online, I still remember the identity that I tried to portray when I was.

The platform I used the majority of the time was Instagram. I wanted to project a version of me that was authentic, quirky, and as much as I hate to admit it, pretty. I would spend too many minutes creating a caption that was humorous or "real" and taking multiple pictures until I achieved the perfect one, which is the opposite of authentic and real. I wanted all of my followers to see my specifically crafted posts in the hopes that people would like this performance of mine.

After some reflection, I believe my motivation for the content I posted and the person I identified as was to hide behind my insecurity. In person I really struggle with social anxiety and posting online gave me a space to be an outgoing individual which is who I wanted to be at the time. This may sound self-centered but posting on social media gave me a sense of satisfaction that people liked me, my personality, and my looks. In the end, I did not get the response I wanted because I was chasing acceptance from others that only I could provide myself.

I am very glad that I decided to delete my social media apps and stop posting. For the past couple years, I was a little ashamed that I acted this way online, but it is very reassuring to learn in my communications class that this is a popular phenomenon that many people experience.